


homosexual agenda

by yixingsus



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Dark Humor, Depression jokes, M/M, chatfic, exo chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 11:24:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13480491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yixingsus/pseuds/yixingsus
Summary: [Announcement] i know yall are gay for each other but youre honestly being so cringey right now[Announcement] yeah depression, FUCK YOU!





	homosexual agenda

**Author's Note:**

> so this is a kakaotalk chatfic so just in case you arent familiar with the app, in chats you can “announce” a message/picture/video someone sent and it shows up on top of the chat so everyone sees it
> 
> also my sense of humor is wack and i make depression and death jokes so dont read if it will offend you i am Sorry
> 
> ALSO thanks to my girlies the eco-l’s for helping me come up with the usernames uwu

### homosexual agenda

**(4:14 PM) suhomo:** sehun and baek what did yall DO to your names..

**(4:14 PM) sebaekings:** idk what ur talking about

**(4:15 PM) baeklovesehun:** yea what are u talkin about

**(4:16 PM) suhomo:** who let you do this

**(4:16 PM) suhomo:** it was jongdae wasnt it

[Announcement] it was jongdae wasnt it

**(4:18 PM) suhomo:** jongdae i swear to god

**(4:18 PM) suhomo:** you havent even been here you kris’d and suddenly you show up to announce that

[Announcement] jongdae i swear to god

[Announcement] you havent even been here you kris’d and suddenly you show up to announce that

**(4:19 PM) jongdare:** honestly cant believe you used a kris joke i didnt think you were over that yet

**(4:20 PM) suhomo:** im not over kris but that doesnt mean i wont make humor out of my sadness and terrible luck

[Announcement] im not over kris but that doesnt mean i wont make humor out of my sadness and terrible luck

**(4:20 PM) suhomo:** yall got off topic tho whomst let sehun and baekhyun do this ugly shit

**(4:21 PM) suhomo:** i know yall are gay for each other but youre honestly being so cringey

[Announcement] i know yall are gay for each other but youre honestly being so cringey

**(4:22 PM) sebaekings:** FAT FUCKING MOOD

**(4:22 PM) baeklovesehun:** we’re couple of the century but okay

**(4:23 PM) jongdare:** honestly you cant argue with thaty

**(4:23 PM) jongdare:** that

[Announcement] we’re couple of the century but okay

**(4:24 PM) suhomo:** i didnt say sebaek isnt couple of the century

**(4:24 PM) suhomo:** but yalls names before were more iconic

[Announcement] i didnt say sebaek isnt couple of the century

**(4:25 PM) parkchanwhy:** oof sebaek we stan

**(4:27 PM) suhomo:** i want baekhomo and homohsehun back we were an iconic threesome now y’all discriminating against me..

**(4:28 PM) parkchanwhy:** now idk what your intent was but that definitely sounded like you fucked sehun and baekhyun

**(4:28 PM) baeklovesehun:** maybe he did

**(4:28 PM) kyungsnoose:** dear god in heaven above

**(4:29 PM) parkchanwhy:** KYUNGSOO!!!

**(4:29 PM) parkchanwhy:** honestly why havent we been questioning your usernamr

**(4:29 PM) parkchanwhy:** is everything okay at home

[Announcement] is everything okay at home

**(4:30 PM) kyungsnoose:** dw im only casually suicidal

**(4:37 PM) kyungsnoose:** im sorry was that too dark

**(4:37 PM) kyungsnoose:** i spend too much time making death jokes whoops

[Announcement] dw im only casually suicidal

[Announcement] i spend too much time making death jokes whoops

**(4:46 PM) minsock:** thats fucking rrelatable

**(4:46 PM) minsock:** depression and death jokes are everything tbh

[Announcement] depression and death jokes are everything tbh

**(4:47 PM) kyungsnoose:** depression we stan uwu

**(4:48 PM) suhomo:** we dont stan depression we FIGHT depression

**(4:49 PM) kyungsnoose:** k thats true

**(4:49 PM) baeklovesehun:** yeah depression, FUCK YOU!

[Announcement] yeah depression, FUCK YOU!

——

**(2:32 AM) sebaekings:** my ass hurts

**(2:32 AM) jognog:** why dont you bring that up witj baek through dms we dont need to hear about it

**(2:33 AM) sebaekings:** BITCH

**(2:33 AM) sebaekings:** FirST OF ALL

**(2:34 AM) sebaekings:** HE DOESNT TOP

**(2:34 AM) baeklovesehun:** fuckin exposed

**(2:35 AM) kyungsnoose:** god i wish i remembered to muteyall before i fell asleep

**(2:37 AM) sebaekings:** my ass hurts because i was sittign on concreat for like three hours today so shtu the fucck up and let me complain without roa sting me

**(2:38 AM) yixanax:** sehun doesnt know a spelling

**(2:38 AM) kyungsnoose:** FUCKIN G

**(2:38 AM) kyungsnoose:** CONCREAT

[Announcement] CONCREAT

**(2:29 AM) baeklovesehun:** SEHUNDKDHDKDHD

**(2:29 AM) baeklovesehun:** [BREAKING] My Boyfriend is Illiterate 

[Announcement] [BREAKING] My Boyfriend is Illiterate 

**(2:30 AM) sebaekings:** im still in pain and yal are cyberbullying me., okay

**(2:30 AM) sebaekings:** yall*

**(2:31 AM) baeklovesehun:** sorry did you want me to go to ur house and irl bully you?

**(2:32 AM) yixanax:** oof

**(2:32 AM) kyungsnoose:** wait xing when did u change ur username omfg

**(2:33 AM) yixanax:** when i was prescribed xanax oof

**(2:33 AM) kyungsnoose:** ME

**(2:33 AM) kyungsnoose:** xanax we stan

[Announcement] xanax we stan

**(2:35 AM) sebaekings:** pity me..

**(2:35 AM) baeklovesehun:** sorry babe

**(2:35 AM) baeklovesehun:** rest your ass

**(2:36 AM) sebaekings:** idk if i shoould cry bc you called me babe or question your advice

[Announcement] depression we stan uwu

[Announcement] we dont stan depression we FIGHT depression

[Announcement] my ass hurts

[Announcement] god i wish i remembered to muteyall before i fell asleep

[Announcement] sehun doesnt know a spelling

[Announcement] rest your ass

**(2:38 AM) jongdare:** sorry but yall missed some of the funny ones i had to announce 

**(2:38 AM) yixanax:** dae your tendency to announce 500 things at once and blow up my phone when im least expecting it is the reason i have anxiety

[Announcement] dae your tendency to announce 500 things at once and blow up my phone when im least expecting it is the reason i have anxiety

**(2:39 AM) jongdare:** oops sorry honey 

**(2:39 AM) yixanax:** im only forgiving you bc you called me honey.

[Announcement] im only forgiving you bc you called me honey.

**(2:40 AM) minsock:** mood

**(2:41 AM) sebaekings:** fine im gonna slide into luhans dms he wont roast me (-:

**(2:41 AM) baeklovesehun:** OH HELL NO

**(2:41 AM) baeklovesehun:** SEHUN KEEP YOUR SORE ASS OVER HERE

[Announcement] SEHUN KEEP YOUR SORE ASS OVER HERE

***

**(2:42 AM) sebaekings:** hey boo (;

**(2:43 AM) lulu:** we’ve been over this

**(2:43 AM) sebaekings:** pls my other friends are roasting me in my time of need

**(2:43 AM) lulu:** yes what is it 

**(2:43 AM) sebaekings:** my ass hurts because i was sittign on concrete for like three hours today 

**(2:44 AM) lulu:** oh dear

**(2:44 AM) lulu:** well you better rest your ass

**(2:44 AM) sebaekings:** FFUCKING

——

### homosexual agenda

**(12:02 AM) yixanax:** purity test time

**(12:03 AM) suhomo:** yixing what

**(12:05 AM) yixanax:** [insert purity test link here]

**(12:05 AM) yixanax:** send ur score when u finish

**(12:06 AM) suhomo:** k brb

**(12:06 AM) sebaekings:** oof this is my kind of free time activity lets HO

**(12:07 AM) sebaekings:** i meant go but ho works too

**(12:10 AM) baeklovesehun:** oof i got a 87

**(12:11 AM) yixanax:** oh my gosh i got a 99 i-

**(12:11 AM) yixanax:** exposing myself like this

**(12:12 AM) minsock:** oh honey

**(12:12 AM) minsock:** oh good lord you got a 99 

**(12:12 AM) minsock:** you will be horrified by my score

**(12:13 AM) yixanax:** how much worse than 87 can it be

**(12:13 AM) minsock:** OH NO HONEY

**(12:13 AM) minsock:** SO MUCH WORSE THAN 87

**(12:14 AM) sebaekings:** i got 78 i uh

**(12:14 AM) baeklovesehun:** oof a hoe

**(12:15 AM) sebaekings:** im probably the biggest hoe in here honestly

**(12:15 AM) minsock:** not quite

**(12:15 AM) minsock:** not by a long shot actually 

**(12:16 AM) kyungsnoose:** 89

**(12:16 AM) baeklovesehun:** GRACIOUS MINSEOK WHATS YOUR SCORE OMFG

**(12:17 AM) minsock:** yixings probably not ready to see this but uh

**(12:17 AM) minsock:** so i got a 61

**(12:17 AM) baeklovesehun:** oh my G O D

**(12:17 AM) yixanax:** wh

**(12:17 AM) yixanax:** yo u s

**(12:18 AM) minsock:** take your time

**(12:19 AM) yixanax:** HOW DO YOU GET A SIXTY ONE

**(12:19 AM) minsock:** tbh you dont want to know

**(12:20 AM) jognog:** tied with baek at 87

[Announcement] oof this is my kind of free time activity lets HO

[Announcement] i meant go but ho works too

[Announcement] im probably the biggest hoe in here honestly

**(12:21 AM) jongdare:** 73?? ig thats not terrible 

**(12:22 AM) minsock:** wow i feel like a sinner

**(12:22 AM) kyungsnoose:** well, you ARE a sinner

[Announcement] well, you ARE a sinner

**(12:23 AM) suhomo:** nowt hat yall are calmer

**(12:23 AM) suhomo:** i got 72

**(12:23 AM) jongdare:** oof more of a hoe than me

**(12:24 AM) baeklovesehun:** nobody can beat minseok in the hoe department, apparently

[Announcement] nobody can beat minseok in the hoe department, apparently

**(12:25 AM) sebaekings:** if you ever need advice on gettin pussy hit up minseok

**(12:25 AM) minsock:** who says im getting pussy 

**(12:25 AM) sebaekings:** oooHOOHOOO

[Announcement] if you ever need advice on gettin pussy hit up minseok

[Announcement] who says im getting pussy

**(12:26 AM) kyungsnoose:** does this mean you answered yes on the beastiality questions

**(12:26 AM) kyungsnoose:** im sorry

[Announcement] does this mean you answered yes on the beastiality questions

**(12:26 AM) minsock:** yes thats exactly what it means

**(12:26 AM) minsock:** it certainly doesnt mean im getting ass

**(12:27 AM) sebaekings:** anyWAYS

**(12:27 AM) baeklovesehun:** wheres xing

**(12:27 AM) jognog:** still in shock from minseoks hoe status

[Announcement] still in shock from minseoks hoe status

**(12:28 AM) yixanax:** listen

**(12:28 AM) yixanax:** theres nothing wrong with being a hoe

**(12:28 AM) yixanax:** im just surprised 

**(12:28 AM) yixanax:** i think we all know who i expected to be the biggest hoe and that is baekhyun but i was wrong 

**(12:29 AM) baeklovesehun:** should i be offended or flattered 

**——**

**(1:14 PM) parkchanwhy:** you know what i just thought of 

**(1:14 PM) kyungsnoose:** no and idk how much i want to 

**(1:14 PM) parkchanwhy:** trust me wit h this 

**(1:15 PM) kyungsnoose:** no offense but i wouldnt trust you with ANYTHING 

**(1:15 PM) parkchanwhy:** WOW okay 

**(1:15 PM) parkchanwhy:** STORYTIME: I WAS ATTACKED BY A SNAKE!! (with receipts) 

[Announcement] no offense but i wouldnt trust you with ANYTHING 

[Announcement] STORYTIME: I WAS ATTACKED BY A SNAKE!! (with receipts) 

**(1:16 PM) jongdare:** so what is it yeol 

**(1:16 PM) jongdare:** if this isnt piping hot tea im calling the cops on you 

**(1:17 PM) parkchanwhy:** so remember the other day when jun was roasting sebaeks usernames 

**(1:17 PM) parkchanwhy:** well 

**(1:17 PM) yixanax:** where is this going 

**(1:17 PM) parkchanwhy:** nowhere if you keep interrupting 

**(1:18 PM) suhomo:** thats enough chanyeol 

**(1:18 PM) parkchanwhy:** wh 

**(1:18 PM) parkchanwhy:** you dont even know what i was gonna say 

**(1:19 PM) suhomo:** its probably something stupid 

**(1:19 PM) jongdare:** ohohooo 

**(1:19 PM) jongdare:** SpiLL THE TEA!! 

[Announcement] if this isnt piping hot tea im calling the cops on you 

[Announcement] SpiLL THE TEA!! 

**(1:20 PM) parkchanwhy:** junmyeon never denied 

**(1:20 PM) suhomo:** yEol 

**(1:21 PM) parkchanwhy:** so youre admitting to having a threesome with baek and sehunnie 

**(1:22 PM) baeklovesehun:** i saw threesome im here 

[Announcement] i saw threesome im here 

**(1:22 PM) baeklovesehun:** wait 

**(1:23 PM) baeklovesehun:** oof i wish suho had a threesome with us 

**(1:23 PM) sebaekings:** speak for yourself 

[Announcement] oof i wish suho had a threesome with us 

**(1:24 PM) suhomo:** so is that what we’re doing next time i come over 

**(1:24 PM) parkchanwhy:** sebaekmyeon threesome this winter ?? 

[Announcement] sebaekmyeon threesome this winter ?? 

**(1:25 PM) baeklovesehun:** oh heeellll yeAh 

**(1:25 PM) sebaekings:** wow now yall out here planning to fuck me and not even ASKING 

**(1:25 PM) baeklovesehun:** say the word and we’ll drop the subject 

**(1:26 PM) sebaekings:** i didnt say i wasnt in 

**(1:26 PM) baeklovesehun:** thas what i thoUgHt 


End file.
